Blind Like You
by DaemonCat
Summary: (Moon Child fic. Another one...) Let's take a look at Son's thoughts, shall we? Spoilers, shounen-ai implications. Because they're always fun.
1. To Kei

Blind Like You

_I still don't own anyone… Forgive this, it's another 'thrown together because it's a hot day and I'm bored' thing, so reviewing, although appreciated, is not compulsory ;). And the chapters are short, so I don't need to be annoying about the change in addressee._

_-_

We've all done it at some point, haven't we? Me, you Kei, and you Shou. We've all stood outside, on tiptoes (always on tiptoes, no matter how old or tall we were at the time) and peered through cupped hands through the great big window of Life. And when you're out there, no matter how much you strain your eyes, no matter how close you get to the glass to try to block out your own damn reflection, you never see more than shadows. Yes, we've all done it. And yet we still don't understand each other at all.

Kei, I always thought you were OK. Sure, sometimes you freaked me out, and there _was_ that one incident which I'm going to tactfully not mention, but I never really disliked you or anything. You did try, explaining Toshi's Japanese jokes to me, and always being… well, everywhere. But don't think I didn't see the way you stared at me whenever I talked to Shou. _I'm_ not like _him_, I can see further than my own two eyes, and there was a lot to see. I communicated with Shou more than I ever could with you. It was nothing personal, you understand. There was never the possibility of Shou biting me. I'm sorry, really, but I was just never comfortable with it.

There was another reason too… but you're not blind either. I'd be surprised if you didn't know. I saw _your_ side of it, certainly.

But you weren't so bad. I even liked you. So no hard feelings, right?

I won't mind, I promise. Just don't let me down. Not that you would of course. I sort of made sure of that, didn't I? But don't hold back.


	2. To Shou

Shou. Shou, I'm so sorry. But it wasn't completely my fault! You didn't shoot, and the rules were that- Listen to me. I can't even tell myself the truth, how could I have possibly told you? But surely… if I didn't know better, I'd say you wanted to die. How will I ever know? How will I find out for certain until I meet you in Hell? No, I couldn't tell you. I prayed so much that you'd just notice one day, save me the trouble, but that was the thing with you, wasn't it, Shou? You had a rare talent for self-deception. If it wasn't explicitly spelled out right in front of you, and then read out in a loud voice and addressed directly to you, you just wouldn't notice.

And then there was Kei. He was always there. I could never get close to you, not so much because Kei wouldn't let me, but because you wouldn't let me. Hah, maybe you did know after all. Selective blindness perhaps? You sly dog.

The Yi-Che business didn't help much. Scratch that, it made everything a million times worse for me. I apologise if that's selfish of me. I remember when we first met. And when you and Yi-Che first met. I could tell right then what you wanted. And if I recall rightly, I told you I'd shoot you if you touched her! Well, I'm telling you now I didn't say it because I didn't want you to have her. I said it because I wanted to have you. But she liked Kei, and Kei liked you (don't tell me you didn't know _that_!), and you liked Yi-Che. A neat little love triangle, with no room for me. That was my metaphorical 'window', if you like. Only the glass wasn't mirrored for me. It was more soundproof. That's life for you.

You were my best friend, you know. Later on there was Chan, but that was purely racial, loyalty rather than friendship. You remember Chan, don't you? Your damn brother pulled a gun on him. He was the guy who- Let's not belabour the point. I suppose you want to know why I joined Chan's gang, am I right? I told you the truth, in the sense that everything I said was true. I wanted to stick by my own people. But there were other reasons… there always are other reasons. Nothing is ever done for one reason alone. That's what makes life so fun, don't you think?

Shou, I tried so hard to understand you! I knew I could never be a lover or anything to you, but it felt like you wouldn't even let me be your friend. You never let me in, no matter how often I opened my door to you. And I screamed inside for you to understand me, but you didn't. I laid all my cards out in plain view, but you just didn't see them. Maybe you weren't interested. Maybe you just assumed everyone was like you. You just surrounded yourself with Kei and Yi-Che; one of whom was very interested in you yet never dared too close, and the other who distanced herself for a different reason. She _is_ my sister, remember. I can read her like an open book. Did you actually want to be alone?

Ah, but not _then._ I was shocked myself when you turned the gun on the ceiling. You wanted it to be just you and me. I saw the look on Kei's face as the light streamed down and he dove for cover. That was probably the first time you'd deliberately shut him out, or at least the most aggressive. I must admit it thrilled me, knowing that you were mine, and mine alone, for this short time!

And my soul flutters on butterfly wings when I remember that brief, beautiful fight, so equally matched. When I think of how much I enjoyed the danger, I forget. I forget that you didn't shoot, and I did, and my aim was spot-on. Forgive me. I know I never can.

But I'll pay for it all soon.

Ne, Shou... wait up in Hell for me, won't you?


	3. Alive

That's why I'm standing here, aiming for your chest.

What are _you _thinking, I wonder? You look furious. Do you remember that I know what – who – you are? And that even if I did shoot you now, it wouldn't matter, and I know it? Do you know I'm just provoking you? Or are you just filled with the thought that the one who killed Shou must die?

Well here I am.

Your turn.

_Crack._

You don't disappoint me. Sorry Kei. I have the easy bit now, don't I? All I have to do is die now. You're the one who'll have to live with it. Forever. That's a long time; I never really realised before.

_Crack._

The second shot rings out like a whip-crack. I glance down; almost to make sure you've done it properly, although the savage pain that makes me gasp is proof of that. But they say seeing is believing.

_Crack._

I must have made you really angry; I can still see your eyes blazing hatred at me, though I can't see much else anymore. I can feel pain, and hot blood pouring down my chest. There's a lot of it. Funny to think it's mine…

_Crack._

More pain, more blood. I don't care; it's all I deserve. I can't see anything now… kinda like Shou…

_Crack._

I finally arch back, for several reasons. Gravity. Burning agony. So you can't see me smile. Nothing's ever that simple. But living and dying… maybe there are some things. This is it; it'll be over soon. But for now…for this moment… I remember…

I am Son Tin-Chen, and I am alive!

End 


End file.
